I Peter 3:1-7 The ABC's Of Good Relationships

The ABC’s of Relationships

1 Peter 3:1-7

New Living Translation (NLT)

Wives

3 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over ² by observing your pure and reverent lives.

³ Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.⁴ You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. ⁵ This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. ⁶ For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.

Husbands

⁷ In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

This passage is often used by pastors to reinforce the harmony of a husband and wife in the home.  I believe the principles can be used to strengthen all relationships.  They are able to help keep harmony in friendships, on the job, and between family members beyond the spousal relationship.

Let’s begin by listing four “A’s” that can help us improve our relationships:

1. Actions  - We must be responsible for our own actions and reactions, and not be ready to blame the other person when things are not going well between us.  There are many subtle ways in which we manipulate others, but we must humble ourselves and seek what is best for the other person, not seek to fulfill our own selfish desires.  How we act far outweighs what we say.

2. Appearance – We must do our best to present ourselves well, but we can look like a million bucks, and have a rotten inner person, and our beauty will be destroyed.  It’s the person we are inside, our character, which enhances how well we get along with others.  We must both look pleasant and be pleasant, but the inner beauty is of much more value that what we wear or how we adorn ourselves.

3. Attitude – This stems right from our inner person as mentioned above.  The author of Hebrews writes that we must strive to live in peace with everyone (12:14).  Paul tells us in Philippians that our attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus.  Even though He was God, Himself, He did not demand and cling to his rights.  Instead he took the position of a servant, serving others.  Can you imagine how such an attitude would change our relationships?  When our behavior is Christ-like we influence others to seek after God.

4. Attention – Everyone thrives on receiving attention, it makes one feel special.  Giving respect to that significant other person, spending time with him or her, being sensitive to the desires and needs of that person and trying to meet those would penetrate the heart of the person with whom you are trying to build your relationship.

Secondly, let’s look at the “B’s” necessary for building our relationships:

1. Be Present – It’s hard to carry on a conversation if one person isn’t “there”.  Focus on who you are with, what is being said.  Time spent together in sharing openly, and being sensitive to each other is perhaps the best thing you can do to strengthen your relationship.

2. Be Understanding – This requires listening to what’s beneath the words being spoken.  Is there fear or deep concern?  A person wants to feel secure with you, and sense your respect.  That only comes in taking time to truly hear what is being said, in words, and in body language.  We must learn to respect each person for the personality God has given us, the person we are created to be, and help each other grow stronger.

3. Be Forgiving – Every relationship requires forgiveness.  We are still human, we will make mistakes.  Being patient, being honest, and being willing to forgive is absolutely essential.  In Ephesians Paul tells us to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving, just as Christ forgive us (4:32).

4. Be Harmonious – Find those things you like to do together, and enjoy time spent doing them.  Pray together, for nothing will bring more harmony to a relationship than an effective prayer life, where God is the center of your relationship.  As the Fruit of the Spirit is developed in your lives, respect is built.

In this short discourse on building and improving our relationship with others, we wrap up with the “C’s”:

1.      Christ – put Him first in all of your relationships to keep the proper balance and respect due the other person.

2.      Caring – put each other first…here’s the formula for JOY:  Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last.

3.      Considerate – be respectful and kind to everyone, treating each person as you would want to be treated.

4.      Commitment – Every relationship will have its ups and downs, its times of contentment and times of frustrations.  It has been said if you don’t have times of conflict, someone is not being real.  However, if you honor that commitment of being faithful, being dependable, being concerned, and you can work through any difficulties that come your way.  Commitment may be all you have at some point, but commitment can see you through to better times.  Be committed to tie a knot and hold on!!  Then go back and work on every ABC listed above.  Love isn't a feeling, it is a commitment.

I Peter 2:13-25 - Respect and Service

Respect and Service

1 Peter 2:13-25

New Living Translation (NLT)

Respecting People in Authority

¹³ For the Lord’s sake, respect all human authority—whether the king as head of state, ¹⁴ or the officials he has appointed. For the king has sent them to punish those who do wrong and to honor those who do right.

¹⁵ It is God’s will that your honorable lives should silence those ignorant people who make foolish accusations against you. ¹⁶ For you are free, yet you are God’s slaves, so don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do evil. ¹⁷ Respect everyone, and love your Christian brothers and sisters. Fear God, and respect the king.

I once had a Greek professor who was very tough. I was in a class of 24 students, of which a few were taking his class for the second or third time. You could not pass New Testament Greek if you did not study. It wasn’t a class you could fluff your way through. However, I never heard any of those repeating students complain about the professor. Instead, I saw tremendous respect for him. I think I discovered why. The professor gave respect to every student…he treated each one as a valued person, and never put anyone down for not having his homework done. In return, the students wanted to do their best for this professor, and he was held in very high esteem.

Respect. You cannot possess integrity without respect. You cannot show love without respect. How much you are respected is often reflected by how much you respect others. Peter addressed the issue in this portion of his first letter. He made it very clear that God instituted governmental authority, and it was man’s responsibility to respect that system by submitting to its laws. The only exception would be if the civil law violated a law of God.

Obedience to the civil law calls for respect for the authorities that govern that law. As Christians we are called to be good citizens as an example to others. The freedom we have as followers of Christ does not give us the right to live as we please and ignore authority. How we treat others speaks loudly about who we are. Because everyone is made in God’s likeness, and has the potential to become His follower, we are to show them our respect. By doing so, we honor our King. When we demonstrate the love of Christ to those who are not worthy of it, we show what true Christianity is all about. We serve Christ by serving those for whom He died.

Slaves

¹⁸ You who are slaves must accept the authority of your masters with all respect. Do what they tell you—not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel. ¹⁹ For God is pleased with you when you do what you know is right and patiently endure unfair treatment. ²⁰ Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you.

In these verses Peter gives us some guidelines on how to handle being mistreated. It is only human to blame others, and want to get even. What starts with resentment for our “ill treatment” quickly turns into seeking to get revenge. Then bitterness settles in, turning our hearts into stone. We feel sorry for ourselves, but that only leads to depression. Sometimes we put our feelings on the back burner and allow them to simmer for a season, but that will never solve anything. Eventually the simmer will blow its top.

Peter gives us a better way to handle what seems to be unfair treatment. In the culture of his day, the Roman Empire, ruled by Nero, treated Christians very cruelly. Yet Peter told the Christians they were not to resist government leadership or try to overthrow the government. Instead they were to give to Caesar what was his, including respect and honor, because of his leadership role.

Also in that culture, slaves were expected to do all the work, while the Romans remained the masters. Slaves were not considered to be people, but things, and they had no rights. Even though there was a certain freedom in becoming a Christian, slaves were still to humble themselves, submitting to their masters. In that way, their attitudes were a testimony to the difference Christ made in their lives.

In today’s culture this passage might be more of a reference to the relationship between an employee and employer, or perhaps even relationships within church leadership. We are called to submit to those over us, and keep a right attitude. Such submission can only come about by first of all submitting to God, depending upon Him to give us patience and endurance in the face of adversity. He gave us an Example to follow.

Our Example

²¹ For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered^[c] for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.

²² He never sinned,
nor ever deceived anyone.
²³ He did not retaliate when he was insulted,
nor threaten revenge when he suffered.
He left his case in the hands of God,
who always judges fairly.
²⁴ He personally carried our sins
in his body on the cross
so that we can be dead to sin
and live for what is right.
By his wounds
you are healed.

²⁵ Once you were like sheep
who wandered away.
But now you have turned to your Shepherd,
the Guardian of your souls.

We are not called to do anything that Christ Himself has not done. He was rejected, betrayed, brutally beaten to the point of death’s door, and then hung on a cross in shame…yet He did not retaliate. Instead He willingly gave His life so that others could know there is a better way to live.

To be able to forgive is divine, and through Christ we have that power. Our focus is changed from being “self”-centered to being “others”-centered, so that Christ receives the glory and praise. In that, there is true freedom…freedom from self, freedom to serve. As we do, we keep our eyes on Jesus, our Supreme example who sacrificed Himself because of His love for us. It is our privilege to follow His example.

My life verse summarizes what Peter is saying to us in this passage:

For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. (Galatians 5:13, NLT)

I Peter 2:4-12 - Chosen

1 Peter 2:4-12

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁴ You are coming to Christ, who is the living cornerstone of God’s temple. He was rejected by people, but he was chosen by God for great honor.

⁵ And you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple. What’s more, you are his holy priests. Through the mediation of Jesus Christ, you offer spiritual sacrifices that please God. ⁶ As the Scriptures say, “I am placing a cornerstone in Jerusalem, chosen for great honor, and anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.”

Peter continues his epistle, encouraging followers of Christ to see themselves as being chosen to be made in the image of Christ. Just as God chose His Son, Jesus, to be the foundation stone of the Temple, He is also transforming us into the stones that support the spiritual Temple of God. We are based on a firm foundation, and now we ourselves must be made firm in our faith, unshakable. We are representing God to the world, and He needs us to be trustworthy.

The point Peter is trying to drive home is that we have not been casually selected by just anybody to be a part of a house. We have been chosen by God to be part of His Temple. He wants to purify us and make us holy as His Son is holy. People can depend on Jesus, they know what He represents. They are looking for examples of that character of Jesus that is so vastly different from what the world represents. God has designed His Temple to be solid. If we choose to follow after Jesus, to be remade in His image, then we must purpose to reflect the very image of God.

⁷ Yes, you who trust him recognize the honor God has given him. But for those who reject him,” The stone that the builders rejected has now become the cornerstone.”

⁸ And,” He is the stone that makes people stumble, the rock that makes them fall.” They stumble because they do not obey God’s word, and so they meet the fate that was planned for them.

For those who choose not to believe in Jesus, or to follow after Him, there is another destiny ahead for them. Rather than being built into the Temple of God, they will be eternally separated from God. He will not have those who are willfully disobedient in His Kingdom. Even though He has chosen us, the final choice of our obedience and allegiance is up to us. Our choice will determine our destiny.

⁹ But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.

Peter reminds believers that we are chosen by God to represent Him to those who do not yet know Him. In order for His Holy Spirit to live within us we must crucify the human self, the desires of our earthly nature, and allow ourselves to be transformed into the image of Christ. This is not something we can do in and of ourselves. It is a daily surrender of what we want in exchange for what God's desires are for us. That kind of surrender will only come through listening to God through His Word, and communing with God through prayer. The more time we spend with Jesus, the more we are going to look like Him, act like Him.

¹⁰ “Once you had no identity as a people; now you are God’s people. Once you received no mercy; now you have received God’s mercy.”

When we come to Christ we give up our aimless being, and we become distinctively different. We take on a new look, one that resembles the holiness of God. This only comes about because of God's mercy, for we can do nothing to earn salvation and sanctification. We simply have to believe and grow in our faith daily, and God will remake us into His people, His vessels, conduits of His love flowing out to others.

¹¹ Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. ¹² Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.

As a child of God, a believer in Christ, we are no longer citizens of this earth, but our allegiance belongs to Heaven. We should no longer desire the evils of this world, but long after the integrity of Christ. Since the world is watching us, we must live so that they see goodness, kindness, honesty, and purity. Our lifestyle must point them to Jesus. For that reason alone, we are chosen.

Now the question is, what do we choose?

I choose Jesus, I choose truth, I choose purity, I choose faith. Thank you, Father, for first choosing me!